Saturday, February 12, 2011

Reflecting on almost two years and approaching -200 pounds!

February 14th 2009 I started on the path that has led me to where I am currently at - so Monday will mark two full years of change! As of last weigh in with the life insurance exam I have lost -190 pounds. 225 pounds current weight (from a high of 415)!

Some days the old me seems light years away, looking at pictures and videos, when I pull out the old clothes, he seems surreal and almost an impossibility. Then other days he  is much closer - when I get a pang of self consciousness in the middle of a room, just before a presentation (I do a lot of training), and sometimes when I just get up and stare at myself in the mirror I can see him looking back at me. Almost haunting me some days.

That old me is a sobering example of despair. He was so physically out of shape that 3 steps made  him lose his breath, he couldn't tie his shoes without a struggle, he could not fit in a booth, he could not fit in an airplane seat, he could not run with his children, his appearance paralyzed his career growth, he was miserable inside and out, he had no future, he was dying, he was lost to the world.....

I am glad he is there whether close or far - that old me is a reminder of how far I have come and motivates me to keep pushing forward.

I can see him smile as I play, run, jump, with my children. He can breathe a sigh of relief when I bound up stairs, slide into that small booth, and easily relax in a single seat with room to spare.

And sometimes me and him are one for a short spell - when we reflect on all we have been through and where we are now - there are tears of joy and relief.

I apologize I have no new advice - just some personal reflection on an upcoming milestone. One last thought - if you are out there reading this, and you do not like what you have become, consider starting your own journey, you will thank yourself somewhere down the path.


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